ONE WISH
by AngeloNLi 4ever
Summary: Disguised as genies, Angelo and Li grant the Slam Dunk Cast 1 wish each. Uh oh .........
1. Rukawa Shinitai get Just Desserts

THE RUKAWA SHINITAI IS 1ST! DIVINE JUSTICE BANZAI!  
  
Somewhere in the Janitor's locker room...  
  
ANGELO: Costumes?  
  
LI: Costumes! /brings out angel suits/  
  
ANGELO: Special effects?  
  
LI: Special effects! /presents party fun colored smoke bombs/  
  
ANGELO: Anything else we need?  
  
LI: Hai! /pulls out camcorder/ Cam-sama!  
  
ANGELO: And TYPEWRITER-SAMA!  
  
LI: Does LENG-Neechan know you borrowed that?  
  
A very loud, very hysterical roar of rage that came out of nowhere echoes across the hallways.  
  
ANGELO: Now she does.  
  
Angelo and Li snicker and run off to do their evil deeds.  
  
} * {  
  
Down in the gym...  
  
The Shohoku Team is just finishing basketball practice.  
  
O.T.A.D.F.: RU-KA-WA! RU-KA-WA! L-O-V-E RU-KA-WA!  
  
[O.T.A.D.F. - Official Three Annoying Disgraces to Females]  
  
Rukawa dodges Mitsui.  
  
O.T.A.D.F.: YAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!  
  
Rukawa scores a three-pointer.  
  
O.T.A.D.F.: WE LOVE YOU, RUKAWA!  
  
Rukawa ducks from a Sakuragi Head Butt.  
  
O.T.A.D.F.: HOORAY FOR OUR KEADE-KUN! HOORAY!  
  
AKAGI: Okay! Practice over!  
  
Rukawa picks up the basketball. He inspects it, spins it on one finger, and walks in the general direction of the O.T.A.D.F. One squeals and faints dead away.  
  
RUKAWA: Arigato. Job well done.  
  
O.T.A.D.F.: RUKAWA-KUN THANKED US! RUKAWA-KUN COMPLIMENTED US!  
  
SEAN (new gym janitor): He was talking to me, fools.  
  
Rukawa gives Sean the ball, and leaves the gym without so much as a backward glance at the O.T.A.D.F. (or anyone else, for the matter)  
  
RU: This is so UNFAIR!  
  
KA: We have failed again!  
  
WA: And we are Rukawa-kun's 1st 3 girls in life! (Are they for real?)  
  
RU: SOMEONE! TELL US WHAT WE DID WRONG!  
  
There is a burst of red smoke.  
  
O.T.A.D.F.: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
ANGELO: You called?  
  
LI: We know you did!  
  
RU: Who are YOU?!  
  
ANGELO: We're genies!  
  
LI: The best in Japan!  
  
ANGELO: We come forth to grant you one wish!  
  
LI: Absolutely FREE!  
  
WA: Wat?! Only ONE?!  
  
LI: Well... We COULD grant you one each. /takes out pocket calculator/ but it'll cost you one yen...  
  
WA: Okay!  
  
LI: With 355 676 zeros at the back, not including decimal places.  
  
WA: Forget it.  
  
RU: GROUP HUDDLE!  
  
The O.T.A.D.F. gets together and whisper. Then Ka steps forward as spokesperson.  
  
KA: We want to be MARY SUES!  
  
RU & WA: YES!  
  
Angelo and Li grin with pure evil. Angelo takes out Typewriter-sama.  
  
ANGELO: Very well! I grant you BEAUTY...  
  
LI: PERFECTION IN HOMEWORK...  
  
ANGLEO: PERFECTION IN SPORTS SKILLS...  
  
ANGLEO & LI: AND CHRONIC DISEASES!  
  
In a swift typing motion, the O.T.A.D.F. is transmogrified.  
  
ANGELO (solemnly): You've hereby been changed into Mary Sues.  
  
O.T.A.D.F.: HOORAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!!  
  
At that moment, Rukawa walks in.  
  
RUKAWA: ...now where did I put my Pepsi...?  
  
O.T.A.D.F.: RUKAWA-KUN!  
  
Suddenly, the O.T.A.D.F. gasp for air and collapse to the floor, struggling to breathe.  
  
ANGELO & Li: MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!  
  
RU: *GASP*! What have you done to us?  
  
ANGELO: We granted your wish.  
  
LI: As Mary Sues, you have beauty and perfection in everything.  
  
ANGELO: But you also have a chronic disease.  
  
LI: One, which is SLOW TO KILL...  
  
ANGELO: Gives the satisfactory feeling of SUFFOCATION...  
  
LI: And known worldwide as...  
  
Drum roll  
  
ANGELO & LI: ASTHMA!  
  
O.T.A.D.F.: *GASP* OH NO!  
  
ANGELO & LI: OH YES! SAYONARA!  
  
Li drops another smoke bomb, and the two 'disappear'. Rukawa, who has finally found his Pepsi amidst the commotion, looks upon the 'sorry' sight from the doorway.  
  
RU: *GASP* RUKAWA-KUN!  
  
KA: *GASP* HELP US!  
  
RUKAWA: ...Do'ahos.  
  
Rukawa leaves the gym for a second time.  
  
O.T.A.D.F.: nooo *GASP* oooo *GASP* ooooo...............  
  
} * {  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
ANGELO: HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH!  
  
LI: WE ARE CRAZY!  
  
ANGELO: YES! WE ARE EVIL!  
  
LI: OH YEAH BABY!  
  
ANGELO: WE WILL TORTURE!  
  
With their new trademark motto said, Angelo and Li run off in the direction of the classrooms.  
  
} * {  
  
OH MESELF! WHO IS NEXT?  
  
To be continued...  
  
A & L 


	2. Mitsui gets more hair

MITSUI IS NEXT! BRING ON THE ROOT BEER!  
  
Angelo checks his watch.  
  
ANGELO: 6 pm. Okay, Rukawa took his Pepsi home; the Shinitai is probably dead by now, Akagi and Kogure are also home studying, methinks, Ryota is wherever Ayako is...  
  
LI: So that leaves us with...  
  
The two snicker with pure sinister evil.  
  
} * {  
  
In one of the classrooms...  
  
Mitsui is alone with some other students, studying for an impending exam.  
  
MITSUI: ...so Chlorine is 2,8,7, Sodium is 2,8,1, so Sodium Chloride is... is... is... ARGH! WHY CAN'T I GET THIS RIGHT?  
  
Angelo and Li walk in and squat in front of Mitsui, waiting until he has finished his fury fit and notice them.  
  
ANGELO: Hi.  
  
MITSUI: ...Ano...Hello.  
  
LI: Why were you jumping up and down-  
  
ANGELO: ripping paper into shreds-  
  
LI: cramming paper shreds into your mouth-  
  
ANGELO: and screaming obscenities?  
  
MITSUI (crossing fingers): Obscenities? What obscenities?  
  
LI (thinking hard): YOINK mother of YOINKin' YOINK?  
  
[YOINK is for censoring words. Don't see why we should use BEEP]  
  
Mitsui pales, whaps one hand over Li's mouth and grins reassurance at his dismayed classmates. Not everyone in this world enjoys seeing any kiddo turn potty mouth.  
  
MITSUI: Okay, okay! I WAS screaming obscenities!  
  
ANGELO: Why?  
  
MITSUI: Wouldn't happen if I didn't have to take any exams.  
  
LI: You don't have to, you know.  
  
MITSUI: Oh?  
  
ANGELO: You need only WISH not to.  
  
MITSUI: I prithee, enlighten me.  
  
LI: a HEM! Because...  
  
Angelo and Li stand straight up.  
  
ANGELO: We're genies!  
  
LI: The best in Japan!  
  
ANGELO: We come forth to grant you one wish!  
  
LI: Absolutely FREE!  
  
Angelo pulls out a banner, which says 'A & L GENIES Inc'. Li drops a smoke bomb, streaming rainbow smoke all over the place. Much applause.  
  
Mitsui just stands there and stares.  
  
ANGELO: Ano...Is there something between my teeth?  
  
MITSUI: ...No.  
  
ANGELO: Oh. Good.  
  
LI: Go on! Make your wish!  
  
MITSUI: YOINK YEAH! /takes a deep breath/ I WISH TO BE FREE OF EXAMINATIONS YET STILL PLAY BALL!  
  
ANGELO: ALRIGHTY THEN!  
  
Angelo types so fast the keyboard produces smoke. Mitsui undergoes major transformations. Think facial and body hair.  
  
Mitsui stares in horror at his uniform hanging loosely on him.  
  
ANGELO (solemnly): You've hereby been turned into a monkey.  
  
MITSUI: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (takes a breath) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!  
  
LI: Calmly now. Calmly.  
  
MITSUI: CALMWHATDOYOUMEANCALMYOUJUSTTURNEDMEINTOAYOINKING CHIMPANZEEANDYOUEXPECTMETOTAKETHISCALMLY?  
  
ANGELO: Just think for a minute. Monkeys don't take tests.  
  
MITSUI: Hmmm...  
  
LI: And monkeys play ball all the time!  
  
MITSUI: YOINK YEAH!  
  
Mitsui's shout draws attention to him from the female crowd.  
  
Female Student A: *SQUEAL* Look at the cute little monkey!  
  
The entire crowd charges at our unfortunate little chimp.  
  
MITSUI: YOINK NO! STAY BACK! KEEP YOUR YOINKING HANDS OFF ME!  
  
ALAS, his screams of protest go unheard!  
  
Angelo and Li run off as the girls grab at poor Mitsui's clothing.  
  
LI: WE ARE CRAZY!  
  
ANGELO: YES! WE ARE EVIL!  
  
LI: OH YEAH BABY!  
  
ANGELO: WE WILL TORTURE!  
  
} * {  
  
MEANWHILE...  
  
LENG holds a newly dug up pipeline.  
  
LENG: Not another one!  
  
LENG discards the pipeline and continues walking around waving a metal detector. Passers-by stare at her as they walk past.  
  
The sun starts to set, and LENG bursts into tears.  
  
LENG: TYPEWRITER-SAMA! WHERE ARE YOU?!  
  
} * {  
  
*Sob*  
  
We will suffer retribution!  
  
To be continued...  
  
A & L 


	3. Rule 1: Never Offend An Akagi

RULE 1: NEVER OFFEND AN AKAGI

Part 1 - Two Wishes This Time

The Next Morning...

Angelo and Li find Haruko helping Sean clean up the gym for practice later.

SEAN: Hey, thanks for helping me out. I'm buying breakfast. Want anything?

HARUKO: I'll just take a Pepsi.

Sean leaves. Li aims and hurls a smoke bomb. We'd like to mention here that Li stinks at long distance throwing. [Li: I do not! Angelo: wanna bet?]

SMOKE BOMB: BONK!

HARUKO: ACK!

LI: Oops.

ANGELO: No Tony Award for you.

The smoke bomb dinks to the floor without exploding. Angelo and Li run into the gym, where Haruko is on the floor groaning. Let's just say Li whacked her in - ahem - one of those places that earns you two tight slaps and an exploding A-bomb.

ANGELO: Hello.

HARUKO: wrnkrlnk.

LI: Allow us to introduce ourselves.

HARUKO: mmpfrmp.

ANGELO: We're genies!

LI: The best in Japan!

ANGELO: We've come to grant you one wish!

LI: Absolutely free!

HARUKO: urklr... Dead serious?

Angelo and Li nod.

HARUKO: Fine. I wish my YOINK here will stop hurting like YOINK.

Angelo and Li face fault, but grant her wish anyway. Seconds later, Haruko is sitting up and feeling much better.

ANGELO: That was totally lame.

LI: You said it.

ANGELO: We should have done something more drastic.

LI: Wait. I know!

Li walks up to Haruko.

LI: Hi! Guess what!

HARUKO: ?

LI: My friend and me were thinking. We're gonna give you another wish!

HARUKO: REALLY?

Li nods. Haruko goes all sparkly eyed and hugs him.

HARUKO: Oh thank you so much! How sweet of you!

Fighting back his need for air, Li winks at Angelo. Angelo gets the idea, grins and walks up also.

ANGELO: Okay! Go ahead!

HARUKO (drops Li): I wish Rukawa-kun will finally notice me and spend all his free time with me for the rest of his life!

ANGELO: ACE! HERE WE GO!

Angelo's fingers fly over the keys, and Haruko rapidly shrinks in a puff of smoke.

ANGELO (solemnly): You've hereby been turned into a basketball.

Haruko the basketball says nothing. Then again, basketballs can't talk. Angelo and Li run off in a hurry. Not too long afterwards, Sean comes back.

SEAN: Haruko-san! I got your Pepsi! Haruko-san?

HARUKO: .............

SEAN: Must have gone early for class or something. Ah well...

Sean puts down his food and the Pepsi. Then he notices the orange rubber ball sitting in the middle of the court. He looks at his watch.

SEAN: Shoot, why not? I can always clean up again after I'm done!

Sean runs to his locker, and comes back with 10 plastic bottles. He lines them up at one end of the gym, grabs the ball and rolls it towards them.

SEAN: And the crowd goes wild! It's another strike! Sensational Sean gets ready for ROUND TWO!

Sucks to be in Haruko's place right now.

Part 2 - The Silverback Defends His Young

Two Hours Later...

Angelo and Li run slap bang into a very tall guy, a.k.a. Akagi the Gori.

ANGELO: Eep! Ano...Hi!

AKAGI: You two aren't high school students. What are you doing here?

ANGELO: We're genies, the best in Japan, coming to grant you one wish absolutely free?

LI: Hey! Angie, you stole my lines!

ANGELO: Don't call me _Angie_! I'm a **boy**, dadgummit!

AKAGI: Ahem. Right. So you will grant me whatever I want?

LI: Yup.

AKAGI: Okay. I wish for a 1/2 hour loan of your typewriter.

ANGELO & LI: !!!!!!!!!

AKAGI (glare of death): **_Well_**?

ANGELO: *GULP* Wish granted!

Akagi takes Typewriter-sama and starts typing. Angelo and Li promptly vanish in a puff of smoke. Akagi, satisfied with the result, takes a basketball out of his bag, sets it on the floor, and types again. The ball turns back into his beloved little imouto.

AKAGI: Haruko, your mindless obsessions have gotten you into enough trouble, so I hereby banish you from the gym for the next seven years.

HARUKO: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! OH CRUEL FATE! WHY?! WHHHYYYYYYYYYYYY?!

Part 3 - Cruel Retribution

On the floor, one brown fur ball and one black fur ball get up and notice each other.

LI: Say, what happened?

ANGELO (solemnly): We've hereby been turned into Chihuahuas.

LI: ?

ANGELO: But don't panic. I'll think of something.

Li apparently doesn't care, and starts to sniff anything and everything. Angelo scuttles to a now gigantic Typewriter-sama.

ANGELO: Thank Heavens! He left the typewriter! We're saved!

Li continues to sniff.

ANGELO: Li! Look! Our salvation has come!

Li looks up, then he walks up to the typewriter. 

Li sniffs the typewriter delicately. 

Li circles the typewriter three times.

Then he lifts his hind leg and pisses on the typewriter.

ANGELO: AUGH! WHATDIDYOUDOTHATFORYOU...you... ano... YOUYOINKMOTHEROFYOINKINGYOINK!

LI: Do you even know what that means?

ANGELO: No, but the monkey does. Li, I take back what I said earlier.

LI: You do?

ANGELO: Yup. **_Panic_**!

} * {

Are we doomed to be dogs for eternity?

To be continued...

A & L


End file.
